


I Don't Want to Miss a Thing

by JehBeeEh



Series: Ahead by a Century [37]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Worried Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22657849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JehBeeEh/pseuds/JehBeeEh
Summary: He decided to get out while Tony was on a conference call from home. He had taken the week off, they both had, but some things couldn't be moved. The appointment with Tony's doctor throwing them both for a loop. Both wanting to spend the week together, process the information, the implications, the timelines.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Ahead by a Century [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514069
Comments: 22
Kudos: 149





	I Don't Want to Miss a Thing

The feeling of pavement beneath his soles felt right. It was an oddly warm February day, which meant he could run outside, which always beat staying in on a treadmill.

He focused on the feeling, each stride grounding him, helping his focus be anywhere but in his own head. Focus on the movement, on your breath, on your posture. Focus on the distance, your pace, your speed. Shut your brain off for an hour, think about anything else, leave everything else behind, just for a bit. It usually worked so much better than this, he didn’t usually have to constantly repeat it, but today, nothing else worked.

He decided to get out while Tony was on a conference call from home. He had taken the week off, they both had, but some things couldn't be moved. The appointment with Tony's doctor throwing them both for a loop. Both wanting to spend the week together, process the information, the implications, the timelines.

He tried to bring his focus back to the feel under his feet. Running had always been his perfect escape. That perfect metaphor, in a way. He wasn’t running away from his problems literally, but for that time he was out, it almost felt like he was. He could at least forget, for whatever time he was out, about all the hurt, the pain, whatever emotion he was feeling. Reshape it into movement. He wasn’t running away for real, but it sure felt like it, and for that time, it helped, just a bit. But not today. Cause today, as much as he tried, his brain wouldn't let him run away. His mind insisted on reminding him that those few days they'd discussed had passed, all too quickly, and in just one day, they'd be there.

“Friday… like, this week?” he had asked the doctor, convinced he had misunderstood. But he hadn't. And tomorrow, Tony needed surgery to fix his arrhythmia. The specialist his doctor had consulted with had never seen it progress as quickly as it seemed to have with his husband – that's Tony, always doing things differently, they’d joked – and they needed to operate quickly before it got worse. Worse never getting properly defined, but they all knew what the worse case scenario was. 

He had run more this week than he had in a month, and the first few days felt good. It worked. He managed to shut down his brain, reign in his focus easily on the task at hand. He'd come home calmer, refreshed. It helped to deal with all the what ifs they both worried about. It helped him be present, helped him enjoy every minute with the man he loved, cause all the what ifs were loud and never the happy kind. And, as much as they both shared their feelings, admitted they were worried and scared, he was trying to be strong. Trying to be the rock his husband needed right now, cause he had never seen the man quite as nervous or unsure about something before. So, he put on a brave face, even though he often felt like breaking down himself. They’d spent more time together dancing, and laughing, and smiling, than either of them thought they would, given the circumstances. And so far, it had worked. But not today.

He couldn't shake it. He couldn’t get the feeling of Tony in his arms from the night before out of his mind. The feeling of their bodies together. The feeling of his lips on his body, and his husband's doing the same. The feeling of the brunette falling apart in his arms, overcome with pleasure because of him. The feeling of pure happiness they shared. The feeling of pure dread that maybe this would be the last time, because of course that's where his mind went right now. Even with all the stats and success stories and the reminder that this was routine, day surgery, and that they had the best doctor in the world. Everything pointed to Tony being just fine. And it had been easier to believe it one, two, three days ago. But today, nothing could convince his mind to just try and let go, and believe all would be okay.

He stopped for a minute, trying to regain his composure, regain a bit of control over his thoughts, realizing he had been sprinting for the last half kilometer. Focus. He could focus. Breathing first, then his feet would follow, his pace would settle. He took in his surroundings, realizing he had absentmindedly picked the running route that usually had the most chances of putting him in the way of some of the photographers that hung out in their neighborhood. He sighed, hoping they’d find it too cold to be out, but it was a gorgeous day. He set back on his course, his pace and breathing settled. The sunshine did feel great.

He was almost able to get control over his run back. He was so close. He had managed to at least shut down the running commentary of the peanut gallery, one step closer to that perfect zen state running gave him, when his mind zeroed in on the song playing. Decent distraction, he first thought until one line shattered it all.

_I tried to picture me without you, but I can't._

He needed to go home. He needed to be as far away from home as possible. He didn’t know what he wanted anymore, but he knew the dam was about to break. People can only be strong for so long before they break, his mom had told him whenever he had tried to fake it, to hide his feelings. Was she ever right. He thankfully recognized the street he was on, and made a turn, picking up his pace just enough, needing to focus on his breathing so he wouldn’t collapse before he got to his destination. When he reached the door, he knocked, and rung the doorbell, and knocked again, barely able to restrain himself from barging in – he had the key after all. The door opened, revealing a very confused face.

“I can't lose him, Nat,” he blurted out before tears were streaming down his face freely, all control he had managed to reign in all week gone.

“Oh, sweetie, come here!” she pulled him in the house, wrapping her arms around him as soon as the door closed, both of them dropping to the ground behind the closed door. He stayed there, wrapped in her arms, letting go of all the sadness, the anxiety, the worries, until he couldn’t cry anymore, the red head soothing him gently. He stayed there until an hour had passed, and his husband had frantically called Natasha trying to find him. He had to go home, but he felt ready to face his love, to put on as brave a face as he could, knowing it wouldn't last, but it wouldn’t be as terrible this time.

And that night, he wrapped his arms around his husband, telling him everything would be fine, trying to convince both of them in the process. They stayed wrapped in each others arms, dancing around the kitchen. They stayed wrapped in each others arms as they told each other I love yous. They stayed wrapped in each others arms as long as they could, both reminding themselves everything would be ok.

They woke up, still wrapped in each others arms the next morning, smiling, each hoping everything truly would be ok.

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently, I am highly motivated by giving myself rewards for finishing school shit. And managed to write this one mighty quick... hope you like it. 
> 
> That song lyric is from Immortals, by Fall Out Boy.


End file.
